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I miss my friend. i never realized how much i depended on her.. :-(
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Think I might be switching over here completely if lj doesn't get it's stuff together.
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Great, stuck with a paid account until March now.
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Cant read anon since it keeps re directing to youtube.
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So my aunt left this morning without telling me she was leaving. I was going to go to the library to pick up my books. Instead I'm home, waiting. I hate when she does this.
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I feel like crawling under something and hiding. I just want to run away.
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HAHAHA no. If we were, this question wouldn't even be asked![Error: unknown template qotd]
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Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] deathpixie at Signal Boost: Return of the DDoS
For those wanting to know more about the recent DDoS attacks, yes, it looks like it was the Russian government trying to shut down the dissidents again.

As I said last time, while it's frustrating not to have access, LJ is a lot more than a social network platform. From the article:

"LiveJournal isn’t just a social network. It’s also a platform for organizing civic action. Dozens of network projects and groups mobilize people to solve specific problems — from defending the rights of political prisoners to saving endangered historic architecture in Moscow."

So while I know many are considering the move over to Dreamwidth and other such sites, supporting LJ is a way we can help support those who use it for more than a writing/roleplaying/social venue.


Also, as a FYI, LJ is giving paid users effected by the outage two weeks of paid time as compensation.


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Ugh, hotel internet is not so great!
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They asked, I'll tell. But I do it my way.

Me and the the FWB were together for four years give or take. We met at work in December of 2005, when he was still with his ex Meagan. They had two children together. When me and Alfio met, he was not single and I kept my distance because I didn't want to get involved with someone who was with someone. Not my thing.

Shortly after we met, he had to quit. Health issues. He came into the store the day after Valentine's Day and I ended up giving him my phone number out of pity. Dont get me wrong, I thought he was attractive but I wanted to be there for him as a friend. HBy this time he and meagan were separated but still living in the same house. Didn't know that til later. Anyway, He called, we made plans to hang out. The original plans never came to fruition because he and meagan decided to try and work things out. They didn't. One day in early March I was walking to work after being dropped off early. I happened to walk past his house just as he was coming outside to smoke a cigarette. We talked for awhile and then he invited me in the house I was cold so I was like "Sure!" His kids were up and I got to see them. At one point while I was there he put his hand on my lower thigh and squeezed it a bit. I liked it a lot.

After that, it was pretty much a given, our relationship. I loved him and he knew it. We broke up for a little while(from middle of may 2006 to mid august 2006) when he dated someone else.

I still recall one incident where I called him in April and he was upset about something. I remember him saying he was sorry for dragging me into his BS and maybe we should cool it for awhile. He was crying and upset over something but he wouldn't tell me what at first. Three hang ups later he finally told me that he and his brother had gotten into an argument about his brother's girlfriend Christina being over all the time, and it had gotten physical. His brother and the gf had left and Al had gone drinking. He got so drunk that when he got back to his apartment, he couldn't remember if his brother and Christina had left of not, so he stayed outside. So, he called me. At first he didnt want me to come over, but eventually I went, my dad giving me a ride. I told my Dad that Al was fine just kinda lonely. I didnt tell him he was drunk.

After that, Al started pulling away and about a month later I found out he had slept with someone else, a friend of Christina's named Britney. I was so mad, because we had discussed on my birthday that if either of us were interested in other people we wouldnt just go and sleep with them, we'd tell each other, he didn't keep his promise.

I was so hurt but I tried to move on. I even called him three weeks after finding out to tell him we could still be friends. Well, two weeks into August I was at work as usual and as I'm turning around I see him coming towards the deli counter where I worked. Not even gonna lie, my heart did a happy dance I was so pleased to see him.

turns out, according to him, his and Britneys relationship had ended. It was volatile and he said she cheated. He wanted to know if I wanted to come over. I wasn't too keen on the idea at first but I did give him my new cell phone number. After work, I made a sudden decision to go to his house. My brother waited for me while I went and knocked on his door. No answer. So, I called and left a message and went home. Right after I got home he called me and asked me to come over. So I went. Nothing happened that night except some making out when I first got there. The next day though, we had sex before I went to work.

In the past, I've lied and said there was no sex that day, because I was ashamed at how easily I went and had sex with him again. No more! No more lies about who I am and what I've done for this man. It's too damaging to keep it in.

Well, Shortly after that, maybe a week, I hear from him again. He wants me to come over. Right away, the vibe is different, I can tell he's upset. Turns out, Britney was back in town and she wanted to try and get back with him. He felt bad because 1. He wasnt sure if he wanted to or not 2.He had had sex with me and then she showed up.

Ultimately, he did not get back with her. I was furious though because for that night after he told me, I was stuck at his place. I was too proud to call my brother at 11pm at night to come pick me up. I went home, and fully expected to never see him again. Wrong. He and Britney didnt work, she moved to Michigan eventually and me and Alfio ended up moving in together. We lived together from December 2006 until June 2007. Things were fine at first but then in January, we got into an argument. I wanted to make our relationship official. I'd met his mother and she seemed to like me, we'd spent christmas eve night and morning together with his kids. I helped them open presents and all that. Took pictures. I still have those. Anyway..

That argument escalated into screaming and me getting in his face, practically daring him to hit me. I was so mad at the time. He had been drinking and I was too mad to care. He didn't hit me. Not even when I slapped him. Twice. I slapped him so hard his face hurt the next day. I still hate myself for it. And his reaction? To take me by the shoulders, force me outside and lock the door. I was still mad so I was screaming for my shoes because it was cold. He gave me shoes and a blanket. He then called the cops. He then FORGOT he called them.

I was worked up by the time they got there and started bawling when they showed up. I truly believed they were going to arrest me. Alfio actually talked them out of taking me away, then they left. We lived together for several months after that.

May 2007. He kicks me out. I made a smart remark about him buying something with the money I lent him in front of friends and he told me I had 30 days. I brushed it off and went about my way. One day, after work I was going back in when his cousin asked me if I was looking for a place. I told him" I dont think he was serious." Well that same night he told me he was.

I moved out and the day after I did, he wanted me to move back in. He had even forgotten what day I was moving out! I didn't.

Time pasted and it was Christmas. He and I:still FWB, nothing more. But I was happy. he got evicted and I talked my roommates into letting him move in. He stayed longer then he was supposed to, ended up fighting and losing all but visitation with his kids, and through it all I was there for him, helping him in anyway I could.

2008. We all moved, me to MD, he stayed in PA. I went up for weekend visits, helped him move and everything. Then, his dad passed away in september of 2008. I stayed on the phone with him for an hour trying to help him not break down. I then sent him rent money(500 dollars) even though I was on unemployment. I even offered to fly down to be with him. But I couldnt because i had sent the 500.

Sigh...heres the tough part. He got custody of his kids in court. Open post so no details. Shortly before bhe had, I had visited him in both May 2010 and Jul 2010. May was my birthday, and the last time we had sex. Then, I noticed he was getting distant. Not calling as much, and just strange. In September I found out why. He'd met a woman at a bar, and slept with her. They were together. I found out by getting a call at 1130pm. From his brother. Who was drunk or something and asked me to move in with him and his fiancee(Christina). I declined, saying I had no job and no unemployment coming in(it had stopped in MAy).

I was devastated. 4 years together and he did it to me again. Anyway, I wanted to stay friends and he was willing. I also had some stuff in a storage unit with him I wanted back.

This is harder then I thought. And longer. So, what happened was he called me after about 2 weeks of me finding out. He didnt want to stay friends. He claimed I was trying to cause drama between him and the GF. He thought that I was texting his brothers fiancee, talking trash about the new gf and all. And that the fiancee would text the GF(they're cousins) and it would go from there. I was baffled. I wasnt doing it, but he claimed to see text messages! He hung up on me when I told him that was bullshit and wouldnt answer. I gave up.

Went up to go get my stuff. I did not tell him I was coming. I did call him when me and my brother were outside of his new place. He showed up and was not pleased one bit. Sorry asshole I want my stuff, you had two weeks to get it out of there so theres no excuse!!

We were having a ok conversation when who should come storming down the stairs but the new GF. She got in my face, screaming at me that he didnt want me that he was with her now. All I could think was" Holy crap wtf." They both stormed up the stairs. I wasnt giving up though, I wanted my stuff. I tried to call his number to give him my brothers number but got upset so hung up the first time. After all, I had just had someone I didnt know screaming at me and neither he nor my brother did a damn thing. I calmed down and tried again, only to get his girlfriend screaming in my ear some things that only Al knew, or so I thought. I lost my temper. I turned around, flung open the door that led to the stairway to his front door and was just about to knock on the door, when I hesitated. The door flung open and she came flying out at me. I tried to get away but all I remember was one minute I'm looking at her right in the face and next I'm looking at the stairs coming up at me. I had time to think "protect your head now!" and I hit the stairs. I fell and turned a summersault or something. I ened up at the very bottom. I remember Al screaming "What the fuck what the fuck" as I fell. I remember thinking" I really hope the kids are not seeing this." She chased me out onto the streey while I'm screaming at her to stay away. I was in pain, scared and just wanted to get the hell outta there. My brother grabbed me and all but threw me in the car. He was angry, and proceeded to speed through town while screaming at me about trespassing and how I could get him arrested.

I refused to speak to him. His wife(who normally I love) tried to make a joke of it, saying I needed to learn how to fly. I never heard from Alfio again. I heard from Christina(the fiancee) some but that was it. I did eventually get my stuff back. But i cant get those four years or him back. t least, not the person he was. or that i thought he was.

Hope that answers any questions. Anon comments turned on just this once and the post id public. And too damn ong.

Today

Jun. 4th, 2011 01:44 am
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Today would have been my mom's 62nd birthday. I miss her every day.
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 1. Name:
2. Birthday:
3. Where do you live:
4: What are you studying/What are you working as:
5. What makes you happy:
6. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
7. What is particularly good/bad about my LJ:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. Favorite place to be:
11. Favorite lyric:
12. Best time of the year:
13. Weirdest food you like:

RECOMMEND
1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A song:
4: A band:

FANDOM
1. Favorite Fandom:
2. OTP/OT3:
3. Icon/Fic Journal (so I can join):

PLUS
1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Put this in your lj so I can tell you what I think of you?
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You seriously saw fit to ban me, a rape survivor, after I spoke up to a known rape troll? You banned ME? Rather then the ones mocking me and telling me to grow up and act like an adult? 

Thanks for once again proving to me that rape survivors have no voice. No really, thank you a lot. Assholes.
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 So, it's my birthdy this weekend, and I'm headed up to my brothers to see him. Just wanted to let everyone know!
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 Seriously, I can't handle anon right now. Bedtime.
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My friend took me to get my nails done recently. It was a lot of fun. I wish I could hang out with friends more but things with my aunt are shaky right now. She had to go to the hospital again last week. There was some fluid in her stomach and legs and they had to drain it. She's home now thankfully.

My other aunt went and saw her mom today in Towson. She said she's doing pretty good.

Go5 a copy of Velvet Goldmine made for my friends boyfriend. Was going to try and drop it off today but couldn't get a ride out there. Was waiting to see if a friend would take me but something came up.

After today, I work 6 days in a row.

Sigh...

Feb. 27th, 2011 08:21 pm
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 I'm considering asking work to cut my days back. This 5 days a week crap sucks. It would be one thing if it was a full time job, but it isn't. I get no time for myself and it's annoying. Granted, the money is good, but it's still barely minimun wage and feels like it's not work it.

Weather.

Jan. 27th, 2011 01:31 am
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I had to walk home tonight from work. The buses were supposed t run until 11pm, but since when does the MTA actually do what they say they will? Took me and hour and a half, my ankle is killing me, and I know my body will hurt like hell.

Is a Walmart job really worth this?
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Just because Benny has a girlfriend now I wasn't fast enough. Or maybe I'm just not his type.

Oh well. Still kind of a downer though. I mean, what chance did I REALLY have? I met him a few times, we've talked yea but nothing important. Guess it wasn't meant to be.

This on top of not sleeping well is doing wonders to my self esteem.
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So, I've been trying to find a way to get rid of some of the books I have that I don't read at all. Thing is, I am very picky about who gets them. Well, my aunt told me that her mother's nursing home has a library and that they will take whatever I send, since most of the residents like to read.

Needless to say, I handed her two books, and am currently sorting through to see what I can send with her next. I don't want to send too many, or my aunt won't be able to carry them. So glad I found a solution. That and paperback swap will be getting swamped! I have so many that I just don't read anymore, and it seems selfish to hang onto them when they won't be read.

Plus, they'll be treated very well! My aunt said even young adult novels will be welcome, so I'll send her my old nancy drews.Well, maybe not the hardy boys/ nancy drew mysteries. Ok, maybe those too. I mean, I like them but haven't read them in well over two years. Possibly longer.

The book fiend in me is screaming, NOOO MUST KEEEP! The practial part of me is saying "Keep this up and you'll be sleeping on the sloor." Practical won.
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